See how good he miiiiiiiind me

When the flying carpet fails, go ride a camel

Last week the highly intellectual and pleasant "Ms." Ann Coulter (see: Adam's Apple) visited Western to give a talk. Since then there's been a bunch of letters to the editor et cetera, and arguments from both sides saying that she's either a hate monger or a free speech activist.

If you look at some of the liquefied human excrement that comes out of her mouth, you can see that it ain't about free speech. Using the guise of an opinionated woman simply pushing the boundaries of acceptable social vocabulary (odd, being a conservative) she spouts off her baseless biases and prejudices with inflammatory bullshit designed to excite the masses who don't know any better. She espouses racism, sexism, and most importantly ignorance.

To me, that's the big difference between the "gun toting hillbilly" and the "liberal elite": Ignorance.

I think it's pretty fair to say that in order to be classified as "elite"when it comes to political views, be it left or right wing, you have to look at both sides of any argument, or at least be willing to admit when you're wrong.

Having watched FahrenHype 9/11, the conservative response to Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11, it's plain to see that one of these film makers was completely wrong. They got the wrong information, preyed on people's ignorances and fears, and played opinion as fact.

Needless to say, it wasn't Michael Moore who got it wrong. Coulter is featured in Hype, and amazingly she's also a best selling author. This woman has actually become quite rich by spitting in the face of common decency, and selling her conscience to the highest bidder. It's hatred-for-hire, and I'm amazed so many fools buy into it.

I'm also amazed that Western allowed her to speak. At least Ottawa had the right idea and told her that if she wanted to challenge the hate speech laws of Canada, she'd best not do it in the nation's capital.

One thing that does bring a smile to my face (and probably causes Coulter to lose alot of sleep) is the recent developments in US health care. Although the rest of the civilized world has enjoyed a good laugh at the mighty Americans as they bicker over a completely watered-down form of socially responsible health care, I think it's a huge step forward for them. I honestly never thought I'd see the day that the common American citizen would be giving a single penny to another person in a time of need, but here we are.


Not that there weren't a large number of morons who protested the current changes. These are the same morons who, if confronted with a monumental personal problem when it comes to the health of their families or themselves, would be entirely f.u.c.k.e.d. without a socialized system.

Then again, foresight is rarely a virtue of the fool. (See: Housing Crash)

Papa always said...

Pwning the Odium

So it turns out that I watched a shitload of the Olympics. Here are my personal high- and low-lights of the games, presented in no particular order:

• Jon Montgomery: awesome celebration, better podium entrance, and an unforgettable beer march through Whistler. It's a crying shame he wasn't our first gold medalist.
• Melissa Hollingsworth: living proof that no matter how much you believe, you can still come out a failure.
• Lindsey Vonn: way to finish your races, you betch.
• The Chinese womens curling team and their hilarious screeching.
  
• The German two man bobsleigh team. One guy celebrates a dangerous Canadian crash, while the other makes the universal body-language sign for "wtf man?!?"
• Norwegian curlers and their pants. Champions don't wear that kinda shit.
• David Pelletier's commentary in the figure skating events. Especially the ripping of that skeleton costume in the men's singles. This ain't fucking Halloween man!
• That cross country skier falling into the ditch. I think shes suing the IOC...
• Cheryl Bernard: showing us all how to butcher an almost-guaranteed gold medal in the final end of a curling match. Nice tits though.
• Kristin Stormer Steira: came in 4th place again in Olympic cross country skiing. Her fourth time finishing in this not-so-coveted spot, and this time it was by 0.1 seconds. Ha!
  
• Nodar Kumaritashvili: at least he went out doing the thing he loves... _____ing into a ____ at ____ kph. (Too soon??)
• That US downhill skier who screamed like a banshee to hype herself up before the race.
• "Siren Head", who somehow managed to get tickets to every single men's hockey game, not to mention some women's games too. How does a bum like that even afford that many tickets?
  
• The Norwegian authorities' ridiculous claim that the natives of BC had put a curse on their team, and that's why they weren't winning more medals. You really can't even come up with that kind of shit.
• The Canadian men's ski-cross dude who was a recovered drug addict. Nothing like butchering your medal shot to send you back into the sweet and loving arms of addiction.
• The howler monkey: Meng Wang
• Sven Kramer and his stupid coach. Fucking sissy + fucking retard = me smiling. (Also he looks alot like Crosby eh?)
  
• Gretzky's horrific awkwardness.
• The Olympic flame debacle. Granted, they made up for it in the closing ceremonies.
• Pierre McGuire's incredible comment that "in alot of places children are crying right now" regarding the cheer for Luongo that sounds like booing from the crowd. Astonishingly idiotic.
• 14 gold medals baby!!
• Crosby coming out of the hole he was hiding in to jumpstart the party of the year in Canada.
  

THIS IS CANADA!

In Soviet Tajikistan, flag waves you!

So the much-hyped Olympics have finally arrived.
Thank god for small blessings. These damn comercials that we've been inundated with for the past year are finally going to shut the fuck up and get off the tube.


I thought the opening ceremonies were kinda weak, aside from the wicked light show that took place on the main stage, transforming it into a variety of scenes and landscapes.
It was heavy on the French, heavy on the Native, and heavy on the Don Sutherland (not that I'm complaining about the last one.)

Those 4 dildos that rose from the stage we pretty hilarious, and I was amazed to see Shane Koyczan doing his poet thang on the pedestal. Haven't seen him since Hillside a few years back, cuz the rain was too heavy to tolerate during his set last year. Pretty damn big stage for a relatively unknown dude. Plus he's lost some weight. Good on him.

I woulda liked to see Shatner carrying that Olympic flag into the arena too. That woulda been epic. Greztky was a good (and obvious) choice for the final torch bearer, and it's a shame they fucked up the most important moment with those faulty hydraulics. And that drive through the nutbar crowds was a little strange as well...

Overall I don't have much interest in the games, though I'm sure I'll watch my fair share. Like most Canadian men in the age group of "3 to 97", the only thing I'm really interested in is the men's hockey. Gold or bust, but there's some damn tough competition, namely those wickedly fast and shifty Russians. Should be an interesting tournament.

Oh, and I have no doubt that we'll get that elusive gold on home soil. We'll probably rake in a few actually.

Linked Out

Hmmm...

Many things happening these days, and as usual I don't have the energy to comment on them all.

I wonder what would happen if one of these things was used to kill a Christian? I guess racism has no foresight when God is on your side.

Speaking of God, I particularly like the comment section of this article.

Teddy Kennedy gives up his seat to this guy? Considering his dying wish was to see health care reform put through, I guarantee you he's rolling in his grave as we speak.

Haiti is in complete disarray (see photo 5 in particular), as would be expected in one of those places that sophisticated folk need not think about on a regular basis. Though it is interesting to see how quick the US response has been. I bet the people of New Orleans et al are angrily scratching their heads.

And if anyone cares enough to think about the reasons for, and financial toll of, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, this is definitely worth a read.

Oh, and suspend this donkey for life.

Brilliant, yet lazy

For a while now I've been plotting out a novel in my mind. Honestly I think it's a pretty fucking solid one, but then again I am the eye and thus far I'm the only beholder.

But before I get my lazy ass in gear and start to write the thing, I've got a few obstacles to overcome:

1. I've never been big on reading. Not that I don't pick something up the odd time, but I really haven't read many things in my day. I was listening to the radio the other day, and some jazz musician was being interviewed about her work. She said that she never listens to any artists, only instrumentals. Apparently she never wants her music to be compared to anyone in particular, so that her work will always be hers alone. I have a friend who writes her own music and she always seemed to be the same; she never listened to much of anything. I tend to agree with that vein of thinking when it comes to writing... the only problem being that in order to improve your skills, you need to learn the rules and find out what actually works in the real world.
2. The book will have to be written from the perspective of a woman. Anyone who knows me can say with absolute certainty that I have no damn idea how a woman thinks, so that's an issue.
   
3. I hate the idea of coming up with names for characters. Whatever I settle on will probably always blow dead bears in my mind.
4. I need a laptop so I can escape the creative vacuum that is my room. More importantly, I need this laptop to be completely disconnected from the internet. Noise is noise is noise.
5. Some parts of the book will need some research. Fiction doesn't mean nonsense after all. Mind you, the lack of internet connection could pose a problem on the ol' lapper.
6. Finally, I have never written a book, and the last time I wrote anything that wasn't a structured essay was probably back in high school. And that was what... seven years ago?

Aside from all this shit, I have ample time on my hands at the moment and I really oughta get started on it. Odds are, this is just a pipedream that'll never see the light of a bookstore (even if I do get it written) but you never know.

You get busy livin', or you get busy writin'

Eye of the Tiger

After months of dicking around, I finally hit the eye doctor last week.
I'm convinced that the plug I used to see up in Barrie was an amateur, since the contacts he ordered for me were allegedly useful in both eyes, meanwhile each eye definitely has a different prescription. Figure that one out.

The dude I saw last week was pretty good, though his office was tiny and his receptionist was a joke. I had to laugh that he had a poster on the wall of Tiger Woods plugging for Lasik eye surgery. Too bad it wasn't a poster of him plugging some cocktail waitress. HEY-O!
What's his tally at now? 8 or 9?? Those endorsement deals are gonna dry up faster than a puddle in the Sahara. Sheeeeeeeit.


Fortunately I didn't get the blast of air in my eyes like I always used to, but this time I did get a test done that I'd never had before.
I've never had any drops put in my eyes, but he did one set to test for internal pressure and one to dilate my pupils so he could see inside. I looked like I was stoned out of my mind on shrooms all day. Not to mention the fact that I had to drive home in the bright sun right after the exam. I was squinting like a Chinese welder, let me tell ya.

And with the brightness problem comes the inability to focus on things that are close to you. So I sat round in the dark all day watching shitty tv.

Anyway, I'm gonna test some new contacts out this week, and my 2 new pairs of glasses are due in sometime this week as well. So I'm all set. too bad I'm also all poor now.
Pissin me off...

Far enough wasn't far enough

A few weeks ago my step-brother Brandon got married down in the U.S. and A.
Orlando, Florida to be exact. So my bro, mom, and step-dad went down for a few days to relax and meet the new family and obviously hit up the wedding.

My plug brother actually had to cancel the first two days of the trip to stay in Barrie for a job interview, which meant that I had to head down to Buffalo to fly out on my own. My parents ended up driving down to do some different things along the way. Not to mention my mom isn't exactly cool with flying, and I'm sure that had alot to do with it.

So there I am at the border, with minimal information on the flight and absolutely no info on the wedding, and I run into a prick border guard asking me if I'm going to the States to find a job. And he didn't believe me about the wedding either, probably because the other tool on the flight info wasn't there. After extensive questioning and being pulled aside to have my car x-rayed, then came the strip search.
I actually pooped in the girl's hand during the cavity search. Talk about embarrassing...

Just kidding of course, but that one prick did hold me up for a long time, which meant that I barely made my flight on time.

Upon arrival in FLA (cool airport btw), we went to grab some food and buy the wedding gifts at a nearby mall. And the fat fucks down there were errrrvrywhere. It's unreal how bad it is, and it's encouraged me to hit the gym pretty much every other day since I've been home. Not that I need to lose weight, but it's a reminder how unhealthy most people are.

With Orlando came one guarantee for the trip -Disneyworld!! Yaaaay!

I was surprised to find that it was actually broken up into a bunch of separate parks, and unfortunately I only had one full day free while I was down there, and it happened to be the day that everyone was hitting the Epcott Centre.



It was pretty cool, and we got to ride most of the cool rides and everything. It kinda sucked that daylight saving had just come a few days before, and it got late really early. But it was kinda cool to see the whole countries-of-the-world things that was set up around the lake in the park.


I also met the whole Welsh crew that was there, since Brandon's wife Sian is from Wales. Lots of cool people, and some interesting characters in there too. Met a bunch of my stepdad's family too, most of whom were from the states, but a few Canadians made the trip too.

My bro and I spent some serious time mackin' on some bitches when he finally arrived:



















But seriously the park and surrounding area was unreasonably devoid of women, not counting the 60 year-olds of course. And there were only two possibles at the wedding, one of whom disappeared at about 10:30, and the second one ended up fooling around (and thensome??) with her cousin. I even made the comment, "So... you guys are cousins right?"

Anyway, the weather was relatively shit, so I couln't get a tan. Thank you very much hurricane Ike. Ya prick. And it's too bad we weren't on the coast, because all of the weather reports said there were huge waves on all the beaches due to the pressure changes caused by Ike the Dyke. Fucking landlocked city...

I was hungover as fuck the next day for the flight home, and traffic home was a hoor and a half. All around it was a good trip though. Too bad they won't be paying my EI while I was away. Rats.

Poor Dottie

Keep rockin, and keep knockin. Sucka.

Amazingly I'm awake before 10 a.m. for once. Yesterday I didn't drag myself out of bed until noon, and didn't take a single breath outside of my house for the entire day. What a lazy waste of a day. Brilliant.
I literally woke up, had some sushi for lunch, then napped the afternoon away.

This weekend was a full one, and I made some solid rounds in TO and Barrie.

Since I'm such a fucking swell guy, I offered to take a full carload of stuff from KP's storage unit up to TO for her. So I loaded all sorts of shit into the old Subi on Thursday and headed to Barrie for a few days. Grabbed dad's iPoo-ed from the UPS store on the way into town.

Went out to dinner at Boston Pizza with Shan, then hit up some glow in the dark mini-putt followed by drinkin. Got wasted and ended up crashing at her pad, but not before waking her mom up with my rendition of Keri Hilson/Kanye's Knock You Down. The following morning I got chirped for my singing skills.

Had lunch with "Flo" on Friday, and wouldn't you knowit, she was hankering for a certain salad found only at Boston Pizza. So I strolled in again, hungover as fuck, with a different girl. And since I didn't make it home, I was fully clad in Thursday's attire. TLC's "I don't want know scrub" was running through my mind. Money.

After that solid catch-up I dropped in and saw Jay for a few hours. It had been awhile since I'd seen any of those 3, so it was good to catch up.

Friday night was Big Al's 60th birthday dinner in TO. We hit a Greek joint somewhere down on the Danforth. We showed up right on time for our 7:30 reservation... and stood around for 25 minutes waiting to be seated. What the fuck is the point of a reservation??? Assholes. The meal was good, despite our server's rack of ingrish. Greek styles, of course.

Stopped in at a gig for a couple hours after dinner. The band was called The Mason Rack Band. The lead singer/guitarist was impressively good. Recordings don't do this guy justice.
A ~40 year old woman was clearly on some sort of drug, and dancing her ass off in front of the the tiny little audience. Side-embarrassing. Then some d-bag dressed up as Jack Sparrow showed up, but claimed to speak very little English. He did say "my bitch is coming" though. Lo and behold, his bitch was the crazy black woman from the Pirates series. They made assholes of themselves on the dancefloor too.

Stopped in and saw Jenny that night after the gig, and caught up with her for a few hours.

The following morning, my brother blew a tire on his car, so I had to follow him to the dealership and drive him back to my dad's place. This all delayed my dropping-off of KPs stuff, which had been severly restricting my rearview vision for days. Finally got down to her place and her family helped me unpack the car. I think everyone was a little surprised just how much shit I had in there. She's got an impressively cute and cool new roomie, but unfortunately she's off the market. Rats.

After that I ran down to meet Findlay for lunch at a place called Utopia. Pretty cool little restaurant. I ate an awesome Bison burger. Mmmmmmm. Dropped him off at home, then made my way back to my dad's in order to follow my bro down to the Halloween party in Guelph.

I was the Incredible Hulk this year. Nothing too interesting happened that night, since we just hung out with the usual suspects at Thompo's place. Got nice and shithammered though.

Then Sunday I made my way back to London. All in all it was a pretty solid weekend.


p.s. I love this look. Especially the chocolate brown squeezer!