Lately I've been feeling unbelievably disconnected from the world.
It's as if I'm falling farther and farther behind on readings I don't even have to complete, and every day it feels like a mounting burden of absolutely nothing is piling up. I've been sitting on ideas for months and even years; never getting them on paper or the screen - it's all just a jumble of notes in my head that are starting to get lost under new ideas that soon become the old and the lost.
Last summer I was in a profoundly different state of mind. It's something that's very difficult to explain - like witnessing something spectacular and then trying to reiterate the event to someone else. It's as if you had to be there to see it yourself, or you'd have no goddamn clue what I was talking about. The words make sense and all, but you'd still have no sense of what I truly meant. It's very frustrating, but I'll do my best to explain:
I felt as if I understood the way everything in the world fit together. The pieces of the puzzle were all falling into place - I saw the mundane as valuable and the materialistic as weak. I saw people for who they truly were (not just the masks that they show the rest of the world), and the networks that connect us were finally starting to make sense in a large scale. I felt like I was hovering above the rest of the world just watching, and laughing at the idiots below.
Imagine climbing a wall of knowledge or understanding, but you know full well that if you reach the top your own weight would send everything crashing to the ground. Well I climbed and climbed, and just as I reached the top to stick my head over and see what the other side held, I chose to jump off backwards and quit. The unknown on the other side was more valuable than anything, but the risk of collapse seemed all-too-imminent.
And man did I ever hit the ground hard. In the past year it seems as if my once impermeable values and morals have come apart at the seams. I've found myself in situations that I despise and I've wasted so much time, energy, and money on things that once meant nothing to me. I used to be above the commonplace and cliche, but I've slipped onto the level with the average.
Things are undoubtedly on the rise, but even now the things that once lifted me above everything are failing to have their impact. I miss the good old days when I could sit there and listen to the History Teacher albums and travel to the ocean, or 1 York, or back to my youth - in an instant. I miss having dreams at night that didn't disappear a few minutes after I awoke. I miss the times that I used to sit down and actually finish a thought before I got bored with it and had to find something else to occupy me. And I miss the contentment I used to get from a single song or movie - now it's almost like I need to be listening to a song, watching a movie, and playing a video game while reading a book - all at the same damn time.
The world seems to be slipping past me as I struggle against the current. With so much happening in the world, and so little drive to comment on it, it's hardly any wonder that I write on here so infrequently. Every time I sit down to write I get sidetracked, or bored, or frustrated with myself, and I usually just quit.
The one thing that's been helping a ton is the oldschool Motown bands. The Foundations, Four Tops, The Temptations, The Supremes, Stevie Wonder, Otis Redding, Smokey Robinson, Ben E. King, and Aretha Franklin can work wonders if your head's off in space.
I highly recommend you check that shit out.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
We fall asleep as the world falls apart
The above picture shows Israeli children writing messages on bombs bound for Lebanon.
In sitting down to finally write about the recent events in the Middle East, I don't really know where to start. With the Hezbollah kidnappings? With the Israeli response? With the rockets flying back into Israel? With the media bias? With Iran's involvement? With the lack of international peacekeeping? With the diversion of attention from Iraq and Gaza? Or maybe something else all together...
I guess I'll start with the word hypocrisy.
The US is supposed to be an ally to Lebanon ever since a democratic government has been in place, yet they're supplying the bombs for Israel's attack. Granted, this government hasn't been able to control Hezbollah, but it's rather diffucult when the strongest firepower is held by the militant group (a group that happens to be supported by Iran). Even still, it looks like Lebanon is a friend of the US, but Israel just happens to be a better friend. Roadmap to peace my ass. Afterall, peace isn't profitable to a warmonger, so why would the US want peace at all? I suppose it's all just fluffy politics that allows the average American to rest easy when laying in bed at night.
Next up we have the Israeli's themselves. Now, I can't support the acts of any "terrorist" group such as Hezbollah, because flinging up the proverbial rock at someone is not the way things should be accomplished in a civilized world. However, the Israeli response has been so ridiculously disproportionate to the initial violence, it's difficult to believe that they're concerned with the lives of civilians at all. UN officials have even condemned the scale of attack that's been unleashed upon Lebanon. At what point does the "good guy" become the "terrorist"? As far as I can tell, that line has been crossed by a huge margin. Bombing known civilian areas, Red Cross vehicles, bridges and other infrastructure, and hospitals is hardly a military operation meant to target "the enemy". When a country lowers its standards to the level of those that would employ reckless violence to achieve political goals, are they really worthy of the title "civil society"?
On top of this, the boulder-flinging employed by Israel will not help them in the long run. Do you think the average Lebanese citizen (who may or may not have supported Hezbollah in the past) will forgive Israel for the death and mass destruction they have delivered? Or do you suppose they might start to believe in Hezbollah and the principles that it stands for? I'm leaning towards the latter.
And then there's the UN. All told, the UN is a joke. If the US wants to illegally invade a country, they're allowed to do so, all the while ignoring the UN. But what if the entire UN were to disagree with the US? They'd still have their veto power, so what the fuck is the point? They've been sitting around with their thumbs up their asses in this crisis because they're essentially handcuffed by their own association. All the while, Israeli and Lebanese civilians are dying.
Our PM Stephen Harper's token response (after draggin his feet) was nothing more than a photo-op to paint a nice picture for the media. I'd be willing to bet that the thousands of other Canadians left behind couldn't give a sweet fuck less about Harper's help. Not to mention the family of Canadians that was killed by an Israeli air strike last week. I guess that's just another statistic to add to the list.
I've also been thinking of this little scenario: what if two innocent American citizens were killed by a Hezbollah missile as they were vacationing in Israel - and at the exact same time 20 Americans were killed by a bomb dropped from an Israeli plane while they were vactioning in Beirut. Question A: Which is the bigger tragedy? Question B: Who would the US be angry with? Question C: Do you get my point yet?
And one final thing I've got to mention - how can Israel justify saying "We'll stop bombing Lebanon if the Lebanese government can get Hezbollah under control"? After bombing the shit out of the country, how can they be brought under control? They weren't even controllable beforehand, so making that statement is akin to saying "If you stop breathing, we'll let you live."
Regardless of which side you're on, or who you choose to blame, it's fair to say that most people just want the rocket attacks and dropping of bombs to stop. Unless, of course, you're on moral and intellectual par with those involved.
If that's the case, all the pity in the world to ya.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
My very own 'Dear John' letter
Dear John,
I've only known you a short while and I already know you're a huge douchebag. The first day I worked with you I thought you were an alright guy, maybe a little too happy for our line of work, but I thought you'd get the hang of things and settle into our way of life. Boy howdy was I wrong!
Now, I know you've worked for a similar company in the past, but you frankly know fuck-all about what we do. It's good to ask questions and to learn, but it is not good to question your superiors and challenge their way of doing things. The fact is you are a prawn to their shark in the food chain, and unless you shut the fuck up, you might just get bitten. Even by a little seabass, such as myself.
It doesn't help that your wife is the breadwinner in your house - this just leads you to the line of thinking that you shouldn't have to work as hard as we do or do things the "hard way", cuz in reality you don't need the money. Well guess what, we do need the money, and if the world was a fair place you'd be the one slaving all day while we all went home to our rich wives and huge houses on waterfront properties. Speaking of this, why do you feel the need to call the harder-working guys "lazy" while we all know that you are the laziest fucker of the group? Sure, the grizzled vets might need to take it easy once in awhile, but they've earned it and you haven't. So deal with it.
Then there's your talk about the girls and women we see while we're working... arguably the most irritating trait you have. You seem to think that every single woman in the world wants you and only you. Guess what - you're about 50 with thinning grey hair and a weathered face. When the girls stop to look, honk, wave, or yell at us they're not fucking doing these things for you! I'm the only one around who's remotely the same age as these females, and you still think they're eyeing you up! You say things like, "You get the ugly one" when two girls walk by, or, "Someday I'll get you to look at the girls" when I choose to ignore your stupid remarks. Unlike you, I don't feel the need to prove my manliness at every fucking moment of the day, and I certainly don't feel the need to prove anything to you.
Which brings me to my next point - despite how much of a pig you are towards women, and how manly you think you are, your homosexual tendencies make us very uncomfortable. You do more gay things than the rest of us combined, but you seem to be blissfully ignorant of your actions. Now I'm not against gays, but why the fuck do you cross your legs on a hot day at a public BBQ? It's hot as fuck out and the rest of us are doing our best cowboy walks to air out our boys, but you sit there like a lady at a cocktail party. I'm just waiting for you to start bobbing your leg up and down, and I just might snap. And why do you put both of your feet up on the dashboard as we're coasting down the road while I drive? What the fuck is that all about? And why do you wave your hand like it's a dead fish when you're telling someone how far to back up in a truck? None of us try to do this in a manly way, but you should really start trying. It's embarrassing.
On top of that, you're a straight up pussy. You hurt yourself, and I see the look on your face, and I can't help thinking 'my god, he's about to cry!'. You cut your finger and say "ow!" and bitch, while the rest of us say "fuck!" and then promptly shut up about the incident. And if someone does have a small injury or something, don't flip the fuck out! Shit happens, we'll survive. Oh, and sometimes safety doesn't come first in our daily routine, please accept that.
I also remember the very first day you were on the job, you asked me where we kept the hand cleaner, and I just gave you a weird look and said, "What the fuck is that?". Our job is filthy, you're going to get dirty so I suggest you stop being such a crybaby. You've covered all the upholstery in your car with sheets anyway, so what does it matter if your hands are dirty? Maybe you can't suck on your thumb or something, and that's why you get so upset. I don't know for sure - I'm not a pediatrician.
I can tell by the way you talk about your son that he's already following in daddy's footsteps. I hope he doesn't end up like you.
Maybe you're a homophobe or something like that. (That would explain your mindset vs. actions paradox. After all, I hear that's a good clue that someone might actually be gay, but can't accept it.)
The following is a list of things that also piss me off:
- stop shouting in my goddamn ear when you're two feet away -- I can hear you.
- don't constantly question my judgments -- I may be 30 yrs younger than you, but I know much more than you do and I know the way things work. So trust me when I tell you to do something.
- stop telling me the same stories 3 times in a day, then twice the next goddamn day -- it's boring.
- don't pout when you get yelled at for being an idiot -- nobody respects that kind of shit.
- you don't always have to be in the middle of everything -- sometimes we want to dig a hole without you grabbing the fucking shovel out of our hands.
- stop saying that everything we do is "Fucking perfect! I mean you can't get any better than that!" -- we slap shit together and fuck up sometimes. You can't just say everything's OK and then it'll be OK, we might need to re-do the job.
- don't start doing things without first checking with someone who knows the skinny -- you fuck up far too often.
- you say that you'll work in any weather or heat, but not in the rain. Then we get a hot day and you bitch about that too -- just admit it, you don't want to work at all.
- don't call a communal truck "My truck" after a week on the job -- it makes employers want to fire you.
- stop stating the brutally obvious, such as "It's going to get hot, now that the sun is out" -- no shit you stupid goon, the sun tends to heat things up a bit.
- stop pissing and moaning about other guys being in a bad mood -- you are the reason they're grumpy, you're just too stupid to see that. So shut the fuck up and they might be easier to work with; easier for both you and me.
- you eat like a fucking starving baboon -- get some manners you prick.
- I don't care about your boat -- as far as I'm concerned you can shove it up your ass with the prop spinning full blast.
And stop saying "yummy mummy" you idiot. Good-looking women think you're a plug and the sight of you makes them want to puke their guts out until they have dry heaves.
Regards,
MINTVIS
I've only known you a short while and I already know you're a huge douchebag. The first day I worked with you I thought you were an alright guy, maybe a little too happy for our line of work, but I thought you'd get the hang of things and settle into our way of life. Boy howdy was I wrong!
Now, I know you've worked for a similar company in the past, but you frankly know fuck-all about what we do. It's good to ask questions and to learn, but it is not good to question your superiors and challenge their way of doing things. The fact is you are a prawn to their shark in the food chain, and unless you shut the fuck up, you might just get bitten. Even by a little seabass, such as myself.
It doesn't help that your wife is the breadwinner in your house - this just leads you to the line of thinking that you shouldn't have to work as hard as we do or do things the "hard way", cuz in reality you don't need the money. Well guess what, we do need the money, and if the world was a fair place you'd be the one slaving all day while we all went home to our rich wives and huge houses on waterfront properties. Speaking of this, why do you feel the need to call the harder-working guys "lazy" while we all know that you are the laziest fucker of the group? Sure, the grizzled vets might need to take it easy once in awhile, but they've earned it and you haven't. So deal with it.
Then there's your talk about the girls and women we see while we're working... arguably the most irritating trait you have. You seem to think that every single woman in the world wants you and only you. Guess what - you're about 50 with thinning grey hair and a weathered face. When the girls stop to look, honk, wave, or yell at us they're not fucking doing these things for you! I'm the only one around who's remotely the same age as these females, and you still think they're eyeing you up! You say things like, "You get the ugly one" when two girls walk by, or, "Someday I'll get you to look at the girls" when I choose to ignore your stupid remarks. Unlike you, I don't feel the need to prove my manliness at every fucking moment of the day, and I certainly don't feel the need to prove anything to you.
Which brings me to my next point - despite how much of a pig you are towards women, and how manly you think you are, your homosexual tendencies make us very uncomfortable. You do more gay things than the rest of us combined, but you seem to be blissfully ignorant of your actions. Now I'm not against gays, but why the fuck do you cross your legs on a hot day at a public BBQ? It's hot as fuck out and the rest of us are doing our best cowboy walks to air out our boys, but you sit there like a lady at a cocktail party. I'm just waiting for you to start bobbing your leg up and down, and I just might snap. And why do you put both of your feet up on the dashboard as we're coasting down the road while I drive? What the fuck is that all about? And why do you wave your hand like it's a dead fish when you're telling someone how far to back up in a truck? None of us try to do this in a manly way, but you should really start trying. It's embarrassing.
On top of that, you're a straight up pussy. You hurt yourself, and I see the look on your face, and I can't help thinking 'my god, he's about to cry!'. You cut your finger and say "ow!" and bitch, while the rest of us say "fuck!" and then promptly shut up about the incident. And if someone does have a small injury or something, don't flip the fuck out! Shit happens, we'll survive. Oh, and sometimes safety doesn't come first in our daily routine, please accept that.
I also remember the very first day you were on the job, you asked me where we kept the hand cleaner, and I just gave you a weird look and said, "What the fuck is that?". Our job is filthy, you're going to get dirty so I suggest you stop being such a crybaby. You've covered all the upholstery in your car with sheets anyway, so what does it matter if your hands are dirty? Maybe you can't suck on your thumb or something, and that's why you get so upset. I don't know for sure - I'm not a pediatrician.
I can tell by the way you talk about your son that he's already following in daddy's footsteps. I hope he doesn't end up like you.
Maybe you're a homophobe or something like that. (That would explain your mindset vs. actions paradox. After all, I hear that's a good clue that someone might actually be gay, but can't accept it.)
The following is a list of things that also piss me off:
- stop shouting in my goddamn ear when you're two feet away -- I can hear you.
- don't constantly question my judgments -- I may be 30 yrs younger than you, but I know much more than you do and I know the way things work. So trust me when I tell you to do something.
- stop telling me the same stories 3 times in a day, then twice the next goddamn day -- it's boring.
- don't pout when you get yelled at for being an idiot -- nobody respects that kind of shit.
- you don't always have to be in the middle of everything -- sometimes we want to dig a hole without you grabbing the fucking shovel out of our hands.
- stop saying that everything we do is "Fucking perfect! I mean you can't get any better than that!" -- we slap shit together and fuck up sometimes. You can't just say everything's OK and then it'll be OK, we might need to re-do the job.
- don't start doing things without first checking with someone who knows the skinny -- you fuck up far too often.
- you say that you'll work in any weather or heat, but not in the rain. Then we get a hot day and you bitch about that too -- just admit it, you don't want to work at all.
- don't call a communal truck "My truck" after a week on the job -- it makes employers want to fire you.
- stop stating the brutally obvious, such as "It's going to get hot, now that the sun is out" -- no shit you stupid goon, the sun tends to heat things up a bit.
- stop pissing and moaning about other guys being in a bad mood -- you are the reason they're grumpy, you're just too stupid to see that. So shut the fuck up and they might be easier to work with; easier for both you and me.
- you eat like a fucking starving baboon -- get some manners you prick.
- I don't care about your boat -- as far as I'm concerned you can shove it up your ass with the prop spinning full blast.
And stop saying "yummy mummy" you idiot. Good-looking women think you're a plug and the sight of you makes them want to puke their guts out until they have dry heaves.
Regards,
MINTVIS
Thursday, July 13, 2006
And the "Worst Burger" prize goes to... the Whopper!
Well the World Cup has come and gone, and the only ones still waving their flags are the fucking Italians.
Personally, if I was an Italian supporter, I'd have dropped the flag from my car the moment that pansy took a dive against the Ausi's to advance in the semi's. They didn't deserve to win that game, not to mention the entire tournament.
And then there's the infamous comment by Marco Materazzi that got Zinedine Zidane booted from the final game, "We all know you are the son of a terrorist whore."
Personally, if I was an Italian supporter, I'd have dropped the flag from my car the moment that pansy took a dive against the Ausi's to advance in the semi's. They didn't deserve to win that game, not to mention the entire tournament.
And then there's the infamous comment by Marco Materazzi that got Zinedine Zidane booted from the final game, "We all know you are the son of a terrorist whore."
Hold your heads high you classy people, hold them high.
My two teams were the Dutch and the English.
Holland looked like crap to start the tournament, but improved as they moved along. And if it wasn't for that fucking Portugese bastard Deco, I bet they'd have gone farther. Oddly enough, a German was suspeneded from a game after officials reviewed video of him throwing a punch at an opponent, but Deco didn't get suspended for his headbutt. Stupid shite.
Speaking of shite, the English never looked like a team that knew what they were doing. Beckham's free kick goal was a highlight, but beyond that they couldn't get much else done it seemed. That one English plug (I forget his name) had the most shots in the tournament, but didn't score a single damn goal! And the fact that Portugal put out both the Dutch and The Limeys just makes me hate them more. Fuck you, you bastards.
Oh, and fuck all that diving bullshit too. There's a reason so many people think soccer is a joke, and that's because of the crap that goes on with flagarant dives. If every diving player was red-carded, I bet the sport would earn alot of cred that it deserves. Here's a video from MG on the topic. I'd post it on here, but for the life of me I can't figure out how to get a YouTube video to come up on this blog.
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