Tough questions, tough answers

I've recently been contacted by several governments and NGO's to sort out the "10 Unanswerable Questions" that currently plague the interwebs. AskJeeves (somehow still relevant?) came up with the following questions, and I'm here to set the record straight:

1. What is the meaning of life?

Procreation.

2. Is there a God?

3. Do blondes have more fun?

Yes, but mostly because hoors bleach their hair as an excuse for their stupidity and sluttiness.

4. What is the best diet?

A balanced one. Idiot.

5. Is there anybody out there?

Yep!

6. Who is the most famous person in the world?

Hitler.

7. What is love?

8. What is the secret to happiness?

Pornography.

9. Did Tony Soprano die?

Who the fuck cares? It's a TV show, get a life.

10. How long will I live?

Until you die.

Remember how many of the 9/11 hijackers were Saudi Arabian? Yeah...

From the BBC again:

The Pentagon is set to notify the US Congress of a $60bn (£39bn) weapons sale to Saudi Arabia, reports quoting US officials say.
...
Congressional officials warned that lawmakers could try to block the deal, but analysts say the prospect of job growth in the US defence industry could be another encouragement for lawmakers to approve it.

Money makes the world go round. Remember ol' Saddam getting the key to the City of Detroit?

"If I roast marshmallows over their books do you think God will still find their souls?"

So here we are, nine years after the fact, and this one will be remembered for some crackpot from the south who threatened to burn the Qur'an circa Fahrenheit 451.

I mean, the freedom of religion is all well and good, so long as you support the right one in the U,S, and A.

It'll also be remembered as the year that those devils from overseas had the audacity to attempt to hold out an olive branch near the site of the twin towers. It seems that the veil of America's so-called multiculturalism has been lifted to show that the fear-mongering and hysteria provided by the media has really worked after all! Hooray!

Back to the Florida story, it really is remarkable how a tiny church, with one bigot at the helm, can draw such global attention. The account of how this Terry Jones fool became an international news story is laid out by the BBC. The man is clearly off his rocker, but kudos on the moustache. Then again, I'm sure a great many people in the south consider him to be some kind of hero...

Tell that to the 1.5 billion (give or take) who were offended by his plans, some of whom have rioted and been killed in the past few days.

This all reminds me of how a small fanatical section of one particular religion can have such a profound impact on others half a world away. Be it Osama or Jones, if you jab people in the right spot, they'll be more than happy to paint a mass of people with the same brush.

Oh, and you know what this year won't be remembered for? This.

I, for one, can't wait to see what kind of hype can be worked up for next year, the big decade anniversaire!! How about some commemorative coins? Flags with Bush's signature perhaps? Or how about some flashy new posters and bumper stickers with that lovely slogan "Never Forget". Oooh, ooh, and I almost forgot - we gotta have some kinda catchy country tune about "America the Brave!"

What a load...

Had a terrible sleep last night.

Damn shoulder was acting up again, and I couldn't get comfy. Probably over-did it a bit at the gym yesterday. 2 months off is bound to make a difference.

For some reason Vin Fucking Diesel et al. are out on the Ottawa streets every night testing how fast their cars can go from zero to sixty. Every night they're out there burning rubber in the wee hours. But it's not like they're racing because it's only ever one car at a time. Probably woke me up half a dozen times last night, 4 am being the last one I remember.

Pricks.

Running the 4 minute mile

At long last, the chaos in my life has reached an end for awhile.

For the past month everything has been moving a mile a minute, between house hunting, Masters stuff, cottages, the old lab, my bro's whitewater bachelor weekend, his wedding, the new apartment, and the Boston bachelor party for NVP, it's been pretty damn ludicrous. And expensive as hell.

Hardly any wonder I haven't written much lately.

I'm sad to have left my normal crew, and I'm definitely gonna miss the days of pwning noobs with ol' Betty and Yakob, and the good times with the "new" London crowd. Poker nights with the drunken rowdies will be missed as well (but at least I'll be in bed before 3 am every Tuesday night). But onwards we go, and I'm sure we'll all stay in touch. Hopefully I can make it down for homecoming in London this year.


After a long and frustrating hunt for a new place to live, Shano and I have a sick pad at Chapel and Rideau up here in Ottawa. It was clutch to find a place with two bathrooms, but the rent ain't cheap. We've got a sweet pool and gym, our rooms are awesome, and besides the small living room we can't ask for much more. It's my first time living in a highrise, but the view is pretty cool. We can even see the Canadian Parliament buildings, if only the tips of the rooves.


The weekend up at Meg's cottage was incredible, even if it was in France... er, Quebec. With any luck it'll be an annual thing, cuz everyone had a wicked time.


My bro's whitewater rafting weekend went off with numerous hitches. First of all, Matty had to bail, then we all got so shitfaced that some guys had to cut the trip short. Not to mention the brutal weather that forced some more pussies into leaving early. My bro and I stuck it out with a few lads and has an awesome second day in the smaller raft. Got flipped and smashed a few times, but all around it was a great time.

The wedding, on the other hand, went as smoothly as silk on a baby's ass. Despite calls for bad weather, it was a pretty solid day, if humid. My bro was sweating bullets during the ceremony (who wouldn't, if you had to marry Mangela) but he kept it together.
I was nervous as balls for my speech, but overall I think I did really well. I'm still getting random compliments on it. Kinda fucked me over for dinner though, with the nerves ruining my appetite. We had a hell of a party afterwards, dancing it up to Kelly Clarkson and whatnot.
I'm glad that day is behind us, cuz it was a looming star on the calendar for months beforehand. And I'm really happy it went well and Ryan and Angela had a great time.


Masters stuff has been frustrating as hell lately, but that's another story all together. I'm sad to have left all of my friends from the old lab. We all got along so swimmingly...
But I'm sure I'll keep up with them too!


Last, and certainly not least, was the last big-spending weekend of the chaotic month - Labour Day long weekend in Boston.

Went down with 11 of us in total, with Earl the hurricane being the 12th man. And we all had an incredible time. The horrible Harpoon Brewery tour, the growler, the fog, BoSox double-header, pregnant Darcy, soiled $5 bills, Burt's stupid camera, both Cheers bars, Lou Bega and the trumpets, chow-dah, the hit-and-run, American Girl, Tenacious D, the bathtub, the mom-and-daughter, and tons of brutally offside jokes.

Can't ask for much more.


Now I need my beauty sleep. Spent my first night ever in my new room last night, and I gotta say it was good, but the sun was brutes magoots. Thankfully I hung my curtains today.

Cheers.