The Girl in the Green Bugatti

For the past 6 years I've been dragging this painting around with me, moving it from house to house, always hanging it in the bathroom.

It originally came from my undergrad house, but I have no idea who put it there. And strangely enough, even though they look nothing alike, the girl in this painting always reminds me of my old friend Joc. She actually bailed on her room at the last second in that house, leaving only 5 guys, myself included. So I suppose this picture took the place as the lone female.

I always assumed it was one of those generic print that you'd buy at Walmart or Winners or something, and I had no idea it was a famous painting. That is, until I stumbled across it on the cover of The Great Gatsby at Chapters last month. Having never read the book, I decided to pick it up because it was on cheap, and it was a hardcover.


The book itself was decent, but didn't live up to my expectations since I've heard the name dropped many times over the years.

And even more surprising was my discovery that this very painting hangs above the kitchen table of the legendary Hank Moody from Californication. Apologies for the poor quality screenshot of Karen and the painting, but thar she be:


Just another prod in my ass that I should start into my own epic writing career...

Shitter

In an act of pure gutlessness, I have joined the most jokeworthy of all social networking sites, and it's even worse than MySpace...
Against all common sense, I am on Twitter.

To be clear, there are three simple reasons that I've joined:

1) If, by some miracle, this terrible system sticks around and becomes an important part of the interwebs, I don't want anyone stealing my name. Mintvis is as Mintvis does.
2) Apparently employers are starting to use this thing to post jobs, and I'm always in the market for an upgrade.
3) I'm so fucking funny, that I've had a few prods from friends to join, just so they can read the brilliant BS that I spew forth.

I've never liked the system from the beginning. I think it reflects of terrible self-importance that pervades our society these days. Anyone can post their bowel movements, their dog's bowel movements, and various other forms of crap. And for the most part, nobody else gives a fuck, but people think that if they post it online it somehow gives them meaning in their lives. Guess what? It doesn't. Despite your mother's assurances, you're not special, you're just another goat in the line of a million other identical goats. Get the fuck over yourselves.

And secondly I fear that this thing will further decimate the English language as we know it. With such a limited amount of space with which to convey your most intelligent* thoughts, it's hard to imagine that the use of short-forms will do anything but expand in everyday speech.

Thus far I have made two tweets - one tester to see how things work, and one inadvertent tweet that happened as I commented on one of the less-than-exciting tweets my brother seems to be making on a regular basis. I don't know how the system works really, but I'm sure I'll catch up soon. All I see is a bunch of @ and # signs, and they don't mean jack at the moment. Just more noise in an already noisy-assed world.

I don't see myself using the thing much, but the one thing I will admit is that it takes alot less energy to post on there than it does on here. So keep an eye if you like, it might become more useful in the future. Personally I'm not holding my breath.


*Stupidest

We all need a little more Meat Loaf

For the first time in over a year I am gainfully employed!

Unbelievable, I know. I'm just working part time for now, and it's at a small sign shop down in the west end. I worked for Owen Signcraft back in Barrie for a couple of summers in the past, so I've got all the skillz to be useful here too. And although it's been a number of years since I've done the work, I'm amazed that after only two days it's all coming back, all coming back to me now. Standing all the time is damn hard on the legs though...

My list of financial priorities as of now are:

1. Buy an Xbox 360
2. Buy COD Black Ops
3. Subscribe to Xbox live
4. Buy groceries
5. Pay the rent
6. Buy a new laptop
7. Buy flowers for J
8. Pay back my broheim

A man can dream, can't he?

You might cast around forever, and never find the peace you seek

I went out to see Josh Ritter Last night. I had high hopes, since the only other time I saw him it was at an awesome show back in London.

And last night he didn't disappoint.

Basia Bulat opened, and despite one of her strange instruments (she probably played 4 or 5 through half a dozen songs) being off-tune, she was pretty solid. Great voice and a talent for playing many different types of instrument, half of which I can't even name.

I was surprised how much old stuff Ritter played, especially from the Golden Age album. It's especially weird since his new album just came out recently. You'd think he would be focussing on that stuff. But realistically it's a pretty toned-down album energy and volume-wise, and he seems to put a ton of energy into his shows.

He did a few from the albums in between too, and besides Thin Blue Flame I don't think he missed any of my fav's. And it was a pretty long show too - had to be a 2 hour set for him. And his bassist Zack Hickman is still rocking the incredible moustache:


The one thing I notice even more in live shows than I do on the albums is that Ritter is a fucking incredible writer and lyricist. I'd probably have to say he's the best I've ever seen live.

I gotta say that he seems to have slipped a little towards the crazy side in his banter, a la Joel Plaskett once he got more confidence in public. But it makes it more entertaining. And my favourite part of the night was the final crescendo came, the whole band was rocking out, then looked back to the drummer for the final beat. But instead of hitting it, the whole band froze in their positions like mannequins and stayed like that for about half a minute until the drummer decided to let loose.

And the crowd goes wild...

No electricity and no hot water make Mintvis... something something

Yesterday our building was privileged with a 13-consecutive-hour electricity blackout while the city did god-knows-what to our wires and breakers. These fools seemed to think that 9 am-10 pm is the optimal time for most regular people to go without electricity. And the hot water ran out in a hurry considering we're a pretty big building, which is also ideal for an entire day. Fucking clowns...

Last weekend was the end of the hectic life for awhile. The 16th was the last day of wedding season for me this year, and we headed down to Chatham for my cousin Kelly's big day. Despite leaving Ottawa in cold wind and rain, the weekend weather was amazing down south.

Unfortunately I was absolutely exhausted on Saturday night, but we managed to party it up anyway. On Friday morning, the fire alarm went off on the floor above mine, and we had the brutal sound echoing through our hallways from 5 am-6:30. Despite the fact that the emergency was done at 6 o'clock, the alarm went off for an extra half hour. A few weeks ago there were drills all through the day for about a week while the whole system was checked. Unfortunately the doormen (despite these countless tests) were unable to shut off the alarm on Fri morning. Even after 6:30, they just put the PA system on the cancel off the fire alarm. So instead of raging beeps we got incoherent mumbling and humming for a few extra hours... fuck.

Friday night was just a long drive to my dad's place, which ended at 1:30 am and resulted in minimal sleep again since my bro came to get us at 8 am to head down for the wedding.

The wedding itself was good, not too long or anything. We had some lag time in the afterrnoon to have some beers at my aunt and uncle's place, then hit the dinner around 5:30. The venue looked like a barn from the outside, but they did a great job of renovating the indoors to make it a perfect spot. It was on a vineyard, and one wall was completely windows that overlooked the fields of vines with the lake in the background.

On Sunday we stopped off in some little town with a really cool rich-man's B&B for all you can eat brunch. It was basically a bday celebration for my dad (a bit early since I won't be back down there anytime soon) but it was really nice. I mostly stuck to the extravagant things - crab salad, lentils, calamari salad, etc. They even had a chocolate fountain for the strawberries and pies. Mmmmmmm.

The rest of Sunday consisted of non-stop driving to get back home for my first indoor soccer game of the year. It was at 10 pm and I was exhausted. I haven't played soccer in years, and I've never played indoor, but I got into the rhythm pretty quickly. Despite my bro's shitty shinpads and socks that kept sliding down my damn legs, and the brand new shoes that had yet to be broken in, I think I did pretty well. We ended up beating a team of Ital's 3-0. Not too shabby for a bunch of hacks that have never played together! Our jerseys are uglier than sin - maroon and white. I feel like a fucking 5 year old out there.

And somewhat surprisingly (due to my relatively consistent workout regimen lately) I am still completely incapacitated from the waist down. Two whole days and I can barely walk, I'm so stiff. Hopefully next week I fare better in the aftermath.


I meant to note that the previous weekend was Thanksgiving, but it was pretty uneventful really. Just saw the fam, drove for countless hours, and read and slept and ate alot... and rocked some seriously stylish duds:

I am le tired

It's Friday night and I finally feel like I have enough energy to function normally.

Last weekend was a big one, but at the start of this week it felt like someone took a sledgehammer to my energy level. It's not like I was sick or sore or fatigued, I was just completely exhausted. My eyes kept trying to close all day Monday, and as the week went by it finally subsided. Thankfully I've been able to sleep alot, and each day I've progressively felt better.

I gotta say I haven't felt anything like this in years, back in highschool when I had mono. Except this time I felt much healthier.


Last week I took off early to Toronto on Weds and met up with KP for dinner downtown. Hadn't seen her in awhile, and it was great to catch up. It turns out that a buddy of mine was at the same place, but rather than come and say hi, he just creeped on me from a distance, then sent me a text afterwards. Fucking weirdo... but I ended up seeing him at the wedding on Saturday anyway.

Thursday I went down to London for homecoming, and I had a hilarious plan for my arrival. I was in desperate need of a haircut, so I went to my old-school barber by the gates. Fortunately for me, I had forgotten to return my keys to Betty when I moved out of the sublet, so I took it upon myself to just show up at her place, let myself in, and have a nice shower. Needless to say she was a little surprised to find me half naked in her house, just coming out of the bathroom.

I chilled there for a bit, then hit up the Wave for dinner with Yakob. Young hoors galore, but none of them could drink. It was priceless.
It was actually my buddy Ty's bday, so we ended up boozing pretty hard that night. We had some serious discussions on how the world is falling into ruin, and I woke up with a brutal headache on Friday. Ended up chilling at Tys for half the day because my car was blocked in at the back of the building.

I spent the rest of day pwning at Jake's place, and that afternoon I hit the GC for some beers with the old lab rats, and it was good to catch up with them too. We got these wicked 1L beermugs full of Sleeman, and you got the keep the huge mug. All for $9.50 - can't beat that shit.

That night was Betty's kegger, and it was a pretty rockin time. Got nice and boozed, pwned some more noobs, and I actually ran into some old faces from Pano. Jeff Gordon (aka Dupont) lost his shit when he saw me at the party. I hadn't seen him in two years, but it turned out that he had been working in Betty's lab all summer and neither of us knew it. What a waste of good boozing days, he's a solid guy. It was good to catch up with Binnsy too, and despite the fact that I'm finally in Ottawa, it turns out that he finally left. He did give me the heads up on the copious amount of outdoor hockey games that take place in this town come wintertime, and I'm definitely gonna hit them up.

I woke up decently early on Saturday to head to Waterloo for Laura and NVP's wedding. Despite the rain, it was a really good day for everyone. The service was long but wasn't unbearable, and I'm rather impressed that the poor bastard didn't faint or something.

My third night of boozing in a row called for a wide variety of booze to be mixed together that night. The dinner was great, the music dancing was good, the speeches were solid, and the venue was really nice. It turns out that Calderon was also celebrating his 27th bday that night, so we did more shots than I can possibly remember. The bride happens to have prominent bangs, and apparently I was yelling "Laura Bangs! Laura Bangs!" about 5 feet away from her mother. Just my luck.

They had rented a photo-booth for the wedding, and rather than have a formal guestbook, you'd get two copies of the pictures and tape one into the book, then sign something beside it. Naturally we abused this right, and had tons of photos just for the hell of it. Bunn and I were flying solo, so we had a solid set with forearm flexing and nipples included. Great times!

My wedding gift was an absolute debacle, since I forgot to get a card. I ended up using the wedding invitation envelope that my brother had randomly brought in his luggage. I crossed out his and Mangela's names, put in my own, and wrote "return to sender" on the front. The boys made me stuff the envelope full of teabags for some reason. What a joke... classic Mintvis??

Mangela was quite pissed at me that night since I was drunk and stubborn about some fucking thing, and she was extremely unimpressed with my slowness the next morning as well. I drove back to TO and during my massive hangover I agreed to help my old buddy Findlay move into his new pad downtown. We had the most incredibly heavy shelves to lug up from the parking garage, and I almost tore my arms off in the process. It's a pretty sick place, with a view of the ACC and the waterfront. Tres badass. Fin bought me a beer for my struggles, and we hit a pub for dinner.

I went home, crashed, and woke up super early to catch my train back to Ottawa. And so began the week of le tired.

Tough questions, tough answers

I've recently been contacted by several governments and NGO's to sort out the "10 Unanswerable Questions" that currently plague the interwebs. AskJeeves (somehow still relevant?) came up with the following questions, and I'm here to set the record straight:

1. What is the meaning of life?

Procreation.

2. Is there a God?

3. Do blondes have more fun?

Yes, but mostly because hoors bleach their hair as an excuse for their stupidity and sluttiness.

4. What is the best diet?

A balanced one. Idiot.

5. Is there anybody out there?

Yep!

6. Who is the most famous person in the world?

Hitler.

7. What is love?

8. What is the secret to happiness?

Pornography.

9. Did Tony Soprano die?

Who the fuck cares? It's a TV show, get a life.

10. How long will I live?

Until you die.

Remember how many of the 9/11 hijackers were Saudi Arabian? Yeah...

From the BBC again:

The Pentagon is set to notify the US Congress of a $60bn (£39bn) weapons sale to Saudi Arabia, reports quoting US officials say.
...
Congressional officials warned that lawmakers could try to block the deal, but analysts say the prospect of job growth in the US defence industry could be another encouragement for lawmakers to approve it.

Money makes the world go round. Remember ol' Saddam getting the key to the City of Detroit?

"If I roast marshmallows over their books do you think God will still find their souls?"

So here we are, nine years after the fact, and this one will be remembered for some crackpot from the south who threatened to burn the Qur'an circa Fahrenheit 451.

I mean, the freedom of religion is all well and good, so long as you support the right one in the U,S, and A.

It'll also be remembered as the year that those devils from overseas had the audacity to attempt to hold out an olive branch near the site of the twin towers. It seems that the veil of America's so-called multiculturalism has been lifted to show that the fear-mongering and hysteria provided by the media has really worked after all! Hooray!

Back to the Florida story, it really is remarkable how a tiny church, with one bigot at the helm, can draw such global attention. The account of how this Terry Jones fool became an international news story is laid out by the BBC. The man is clearly off his rocker, but kudos on the moustache. Then again, I'm sure a great many people in the south consider him to be some kind of hero...

Tell that to the 1.5 billion (give or take) who were offended by his plans, some of whom have rioted and been killed in the past few days.

This all reminds me of how a small fanatical section of one particular religion can have such a profound impact on others half a world away. Be it Osama or Jones, if you jab people in the right spot, they'll be more than happy to paint a mass of people with the same brush.

Oh, and you know what this year won't be remembered for? This.

I, for one, can't wait to see what kind of hype can be worked up for next year, the big decade anniversaire!! How about some commemorative coins? Flags with Bush's signature perhaps? Or how about some flashy new posters and bumper stickers with that lovely slogan "Never Forget". Oooh, ooh, and I almost forgot - we gotta have some kinda catchy country tune about "America the Brave!"

What a load...

Had a terrible sleep last night.

Damn shoulder was acting up again, and I couldn't get comfy. Probably over-did it a bit at the gym yesterday. 2 months off is bound to make a difference.

For some reason Vin Fucking Diesel et al. are out on the Ottawa streets every night testing how fast their cars can go from zero to sixty. Every night they're out there burning rubber in the wee hours. But it's not like they're racing because it's only ever one car at a time. Probably woke me up half a dozen times last night, 4 am being the last one I remember.

Pricks.