A lifetime in an instant

"There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy."

- Albert Camus

Tonight I returned home from Toronto, after spending the day at the funeral for an old friend. Apparently he answered Camus' question. Just not the way we wish he would've...

And right now I'm kinda left with a blank feeling. Obviously it's sad as hell, that was abundantly clear with all the sorrow in the funeral home today, but besides that I just feel a sort of void about the whole thing.

I can only imagine what his father and brothers must be feeling right now. That had to be the hardest part of the whole thing - seeing his dad. The loss of his wife less than a year ago, and now this... it's aged the man so much. And I know he was always close with Mike, which probably makes it that much worse.

And though Mike had a harder time in life than most people, I'll always remember how he always wore that fuck you smile, giving the world a big middle finger even when he was down. He always had enough fire to stand back up, but I guess something happened last week that made him make the choice not to stand up anymore.

It's just so strange, this was the kid that led the school soccer team with me when nooone else had the stones or know-how to do it. Not even the bloody coach.

This was the kid that taught me the value of a lunch that consisted of a jumbo bag of skittles and a box of chocolate milk.

This was the kid who showed me the fine art of foosball, back in the days when games were more important to us than the future or responsibility.


And though we had drifted apart in the past few years, I always had the feeling that we would connect later in life, somewhere and somehow. And I don't think it's even sunk in yet that that's never going to happen...

I just hope that now he's resting more peacefully than he ever could've in life.
But at the same time, I can't help but feel that he would've made a different choice if only he'd known how much he was loved and how much he'll be missed.