New Year, Same Old Crap

This new year, I have complied a short list of resolutions for everyone that is not me:

• stop wearing those fucking bluetooth earpieces. you look like douchebags.

• if you think of yourself as a big tough man, and attend sporting events, don't drink light beer. light beer is for americans and pussies
  

• enough with the fucking facebook applications

• start wearing clothes that fit you. especially you muffin-toppers and gangsta whiteboy thugs.

• stop buying shitty music. pap bullshit and mindless dancefloor music only exist because somebody buys that crap

• enough with this "support the troops" bullshit. if you really want to support the troops, either a) join the army or b) bring them home before any more get killed

• stop watching pointless shit on television. reality tv is not real so stop kidding yourselves; entertainment tonight has no fucking impact on the real world; and Sally Perfecttits from the OC is never going to fuck you. hell, even Jerry Springer's lead security man's got himself a show now people - don't you think we've gone far enough??

• don't even bother going to the gym. we all know you're gonna show up twice in january and then quit, so save your money