Tough questions, tough answers

I've recently been contacted by several governments and NGO's to sort out the "10 Unanswerable Questions" that currently plague the interwebs. AskJeeves (somehow still relevant?) came up with the following questions, and I'm here to set the record straight:

1. What is the meaning of life?

Procreation.

2. Is there a God?

3. Do blondes have more fun?

Yes, but mostly because hoors bleach their hair as an excuse for their stupidity and sluttiness.

4. What is the best diet?

A balanced one. Idiot.

5. Is there anybody out there?

Yep!

6. Who is the most famous person in the world?

Hitler.

7. What is love?

8. What is the secret to happiness?

Pornography.

9. Did Tony Soprano die?

Who the fuck cares? It's a TV show, get a life.

10. How long will I live?

Until you die.

Remember how many of the 9/11 hijackers were Saudi Arabian? Yeah...

From the BBC again:

The Pentagon is set to notify the US Congress of a $60bn (£39bn) weapons sale to Saudi Arabia, reports quoting US officials say.
...
Congressional officials warned that lawmakers could try to block the deal, but analysts say the prospect of job growth in the US defence industry could be another encouragement for lawmakers to approve it.

Money makes the world go round. Remember ol' Saddam getting the key to the City of Detroit?

"If I roast marshmallows over their books do you think God will still find their souls?"

So here we are, nine years after the fact, and this one will be remembered for some crackpot from the south who threatened to burn the Qur'an circa Fahrenheit 451.

I mean, the freedom of religion is all well and good, so long as you support the right one in the U,S, and A.

It'll also be remembered as the year that those devils from overseas had the audacity to attempt to hold out an olive branch near the site of the twin towers. It seems that the veil of America's so-called multiculturalism has been lifted to show that the fear-mongering and hysteria provided by the media has really worked after all! Hooray!

Back to the Florida story, it really is remarkable how a tiny church, with one bigot at the helm, can draw such global attention. The account of how this Terry Jones fool became an international news story is laid out by the BBC. The man is clearly off his rocker, but kudos on the moustache. Then again, I'm sure a great many people in the south consider him to be some kind of hero...

Tell that to the 1.5 billion (give or take) who were offended by his plans, some of whom have rioted and been killed in the past few days.

This all reminds me of how a small fanatical section of one particular religion can have such a profound impact on others half a world away. Be it Osama or Jones, if you jab people in the right spot, they'll be more than happy to paint a mass of people with the same brush.

Oh, and you know what this year won't be remembered for? This.

I, for one, can't wait to see what kind of hype can be worked up for next year, the big decade anniversaire!! How about some commemorative coins? Flags with Bush's signature perhaps? Or how about some flashy new posters and bumper stickers with that lovely slogan "Never Forget". Oooh, ooh, and I almost forgot - we gotta have some kinda catchy country tune about "America the Brave!"

What a load...

Had a terrible sleep last night.

Damn shoulder was acting up again, and I couldn't get comfy. Probably over-did it a bit at the gym yesterday. 2 months off is bound to make a difference.

For some reason Vin Fucking Diesel et al. are out on the Ottawa streets every night testing how fast their cars can go from zero to sixty. Every night they're out there burning rubber in the wee hours. But it's not like they're racing because it's only ever one car at a time. Probably woke me up half a dozen times last night, 4 am being the last one I remember.

Pricks.

Running the 4 minute mile

At long last, the chaos in my life has reached an end for awhile.

For the past month everything has been moving a mile a minute, between house hunting, Masters stuff, cottages, the old lab, my bro's whitewater bachelor weekend, his wedding, the new apartment, and the Boston bachelor party for NVP, it's been pretty damn ludicrous. And expensive as hell.

Hardly any wonder I haven't written much lately.

I'm sad to have left my normal crew, and I'm definitely gonna miss the days of pwning noobs with ol' Betty and Yakob, and the good times with the "new" London crowd. Poker nights with the drunken rowdies will be missed as well (but at least I'll be in bed before 3 am every Tuesday night). But onwards we go, and I'm sure we'll all stay in touch. Hopefully I can make it down for homecoming in London this year.


After a long and frustrating hunt for a new place to live, Shano and I have a sick pad at Chapel and Rideau up here in Ottawa. It was clutch to find a place with two bathrooms, but the rent ain't cheap. We've got a sweet pool and gym, our rooms are awesome, and besides the small living room we can't ask for much more. It's my first time living in a highrise, but the view is pretty cool. We can even see the Canadian Parliament buildings, if only the tips of the rooves.


The weekend up at Meg's cottage was incredible, even if it was in France... er, Quebec. With any luck it'll be an annual thing, cuz everyone had a wicked time.


My bro's whitewater rafting weekend went off with numerous hitches. First of all, Matty had to bail, then we all got so shitfaced that some guys had to cut the trip short. Not to mention the brutal weather that forced some more pussies into leaving early. My bro and I stuck it out with a few lads and has an awesome second day in the smaller raft. Got flipped and smashed a few times, but all around it was a great time.

The wedding, on the other hand, went as smoothly as silk on a baby's ass. Despite calls for bad weather, it was a pretty solid day, if humid. My bro was sweating bullets during the ceremony (who wouldn't, if you had to marry Mangela) but he kept it together.
I was nervous as balls for my speech, but overall I think I did really well. I'm still getting random compliments on it. Kinda fucked me over for dinner though, with the nerves ruining my appetite. We had a hell of a party afterwards, dancing it up to Kelly Clarkson and whatnot.
I'm glad that day is behind us, cuz it was a looming star on the calendar for months beforehand. And I'm really happy it went well and Ryan and Angela had a great time.


Masters stuff has been frustrating as hell lately, but that's another story all together. I'm sad to have left all of my friends from the old lab. We all got along so swimmingly...
But I'm sure I'll keep up with them too!


Last, and certainly not least, was the last big-spending weekend of the chaotic month - Labour Day long weekend in Boston.

Went down with 11 of us in total, with Earl the hurricane being the 12th man. And we all had an incredible time. The horrible Harpoon Brewery tour, the growler, the fog, BoSox double-header, pregnant Darcy, soiled $5 bills, Burt's stupid camera, both Cheers bars, Lou Bega and the trumpets, chow-dah, the hit-and-run, American Girl, Tenacious D, the bathtub, the mom-and-daughter, and tons of brutally offside jokes.

Can't ask for much more.


Now I need my beauty sleep. Spent my first night ever in my new room last night, and I gotta say it was good, but the sun was brutes magoots. Thankfully I hung my curtains today.

Cheers.

26er

Top 5 Albums

5.
4.
3.
2.
1.

Top 5 Songs

5. Sweetheart Like You - Bob Dylan
4. Bed Intruder Song - Antoine Dodson
3. Little Secrets - Passion Pit
2. Hurricane J - The Hold Steady
1. Empty's Theme Park - Matt Good

Top 5 Movies

5.
4.
3.
2.
1.

Oranje

After rolling through the round robbin stage, and taking down the formidable Brazilians in the quarters, the Netherlands has made it to the World Cup final after taking out Uruguay in the semi's.

I think that last game was a little closer than it should've been, especially considering the ref gave an inexplicable extra two minutes for Uruguay to sustain pressure at the end of the match. I can only imagine the uproar if they'd managed to tie the game at that point...

But three goals off the post, including the best goal of the entire tournament from our captian van Bronckhorst, has pushed us forward to the big match.

I have to say that I don't think Holland has played its best game yet, and I'm hoping they can pull that game off in the finals. I hope Robben stops diving, van Persie wakes up, Kuyt keeps rockin, and Sneijder plays a full match instead of just a half.

The Spain/Germany game wasn't what I expected, and it was pretty damn boring to be honest. Spain has wicked ball control, which I hope we can overcome. And on the plus side, our fullbacks should all return from suspensions and injuries for the final.

Should be a hell of game, can't wait.

Ke$ha $uck$ Donkey Ball$

Baish can't even sing, she just talks. But this video is absolutely money...

Hawks. Mark it dude.

Last night the longest drought in Stanley Cup history was ended when Patrick Kane sniped the most unlikely and anticlimactic goal in recent memory. It had shades of Crosby's Gold Medal winning goal, but this time it seemed like Kane was the only one in the arena (or even on the continent) that knew the thing went in.

Chicago did something remarkable in that game too - not only did they beat the entire Flyers team, they also beat the 4 man team of referees. The bias shown last night was an absolute joke, and I'm somewhat surprised the Hawks made it out with a win. In many games this playoff season it was blatantly clear that there was an agenda being sought by the NHL, and it's a shame to see such favourtism come into play in our sport.

I'm incredibly happy the 18th ranked team didn't win the cup (and thank god that plug Pronger didn't get to hold the Cup), and it goes without saying that the Hawks deserved this after such a long and miserable drought. It's amazing what the death of an old tightwad can do for a team, its fans, and an entire city.


Toews was incredible this postseason, despite the lacklustre score sheet in the final series, and absolutely deserved the Conn Smythe. Kane lit it up when he needed to, Big Buf was money, Hossa finally got the Cup in his third try, Keith was brilliant, Niemi was serviceable (rebounds were brutes magoots, I must say), Sharpy stuck it to his former team, and all the backing players pitched in. JR was even in tears in the broadcast booth during the celebration.

Now, a little recap with music by Chi-town's own Smashing Pumpkins...

I don't wanna talk about it anymore, cuz I'm startin' to lose my temper

In the realm of unamusing jokes, the Montreal Canadians have got to be up there right now.
First they take out the regular season's best team, now they knock out my beloved Penguins.

Granted, the Caps and the Pens didn't really find away around the suffocating blockage of passes and shots, but there is no question that the Habs don't deserve to be where they are right now. It's actually a travesty that the worst team in the playoffs is now in the final four.

On the plus side, this now means that the Cup is almost assuredly going to the West. It's good to see that San Jose has finally pulled their shit together - maybe Heater was the last piece they needed. And the Hawks are going to be going full tilt as well, so it should make for a solid series.

The East, on the other hand, is a nightmare. It's going to be 8th vs. either 6th or 7th. And at first I was pulling for Boston, because they'd be the easier prey for the Pens, but now I just cringe at the thought of two incredibly boring teams dueling their defenses in the Conference Finals. Plus it would be badass to see the Flyers come back from a 3-0 deficit. And I'd absolutely love to see somebody beat the living piss out of Maxim Lapierre. What a spineless bastard...




Aside from the laughable East, the most glaring thing in this year's playoffs is the absolutely atrocious refereeing. And it's not just the head refs either, the linesmen are making brutal call after brutal call to go along with it.

From non-calls to waived-off goals to penalties for incredibly weak reasons, this year is really one to remember. Hell, had Ovechkin's goal counted in game 7 of their series with Montreal, we wouldn't be looking at the scrapheap that is the East. Jokeworthy!

Maybe Las Vegas is flexing its muscles this year... who knows? hahaha