Ke$ha $uck$ Donkey Ball$

Baish can't even sing, she just talks. But this video is absolutely money...

Hawks. Mark it dude.

Last night the longest drought in Stanley Cup history was ended when Patrick Kane sniped the most unlikely and anticlimactic goal in recent memory. It had shades of Crosby's Gold Medal winning goal, but this time it seemed like Kane was the only one in the arena (or even on the continent) that knew the thing went in.

Chicago did something remarkable in that game too - not only did they beat the entire Flyers team, they also beat the 4 man team of referees. The bias shown last night was an absolute joke, and I'm somewhat surprised the Hawks made it out with a win. In many games this playoff season it was blatantly clear that there was an agenda being sought by the NHL, and it's a shame to see such favourtism come into play in our sport.

I'm incredibly happy the 18th ranked team didn't win the cup (and thank god that plug Pronger didn't get to hold the Cup), and it goes without saying that the Hawks deserved this after such a long and miserable drought. It's amazing what the death of an old tightwad can do for a team, its fans, and an entire city.


Toews was incredible this postseason, despite the lacklustre score sheet in the final series, and absolutely deserved the Conn Smythe. Kane lit it up when he needed to, Big Buf was money, Hossa finally got the Cup in his third try, Keith was brilliant, Niemi was serviceable (rebounds were brutes magoots, I must say), Sharpy stuck it to his former team, and all the backing players pitched in. JR was even in tears in the broadcast booth during the celebration.

Now, a little recap with music by Chi-town's own Smashing Pumpkins...

I don't wanna talk about it anymore, cuz I'm startin' to lose my temper

In the realm of unamusing jokes, the Montreal Canadians have got to be up there right now.
First they take out the regular season's best team, now they knock out my beloved Penguins.

Granted, the Caps and the Pens didn't really find away around the suffocating blockage of passes and shots, but there is no question that the Habs don't deserve to be where they are right now. It's actually a travesty that the worst team in the playoffs is now in the final four.

On the plus side, this now means that the Cup is almost assuredly going to the West. It's good to see that San Jose has finally pulled their shit together - maybe Heater was the last piece they needed. And the Hawks are going to be going full tilt as well, so it should make for a solid series.

The East, on the other hand, is a nightmare. It's going to be 8th vs. either 6th or 7th. And at first I was pulling for Boston, because they'd be the easier prey for the Pens, but now I just cringe at the thought of two incredibly boring teams dueling their defenses in the Conference Finals. Plus it would be badass to see the Flyers come back from a 3-0 deficit. And I'd absolutely love to see somebody beat the living piss out of Maxim Lapierre. What a spineless bastard...




Aside from the laughable East, the most glaring thing in this year's playoffs is the absolutely atrocious refereeing. And it's not just the head refs either, the linesmen are making brutal call after brutal call to go along with it.

From non-calls to waived-off goals to penalties for incredibly weak reasons, this year is really one to remember. Hell, had Ovechkin's goal counted in game 7 of their series with Montreal, we wouldn't be looking at the scrapheap that is the East. Jokeworthy!

Maybe Las Vegas is flexing its muscles this year... who knows? hahaha

See how good he miiiiiiiind me

When the flying carpet fails, go ride a camel

Last week the highly intellectual and pleasant "Ms." Ann Coulter (see: Adam's Apple) visited Western to give a talk. Since then there's been a bunch of letters to the editor et cetera, and arguments from both sides saying that she's either a hate monger or a free speech activist.

If you look at some of the liquefied human excrement that comes out of her mouth, you can see that it ain't about free speech. Using the guise of an opinionated woman simply pushing the boundaries of acceptable social vocabulary (odd, being a conservative) she spouts off her baseless biases and prejudices with inflammatory bullshit designed to excite the masses who don't know any better. She espouses racism, sexism, and most importantly ignorance.

To me, that's the big difference between the "gun toting hillbilly" and the "liberal elite": Ignorance.

I think it's pretty fair to say that in order to be classified as "elite"when it comes to political views, be it left or right wing, you have to look at both sides of any argument, or at least be willing to admit when you're wrong.

Having watched FahrenHype 9/11, the conservative response to Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11, it's plain to see that one of these film makers was completely wrong. They got the wrong information, preyed on people's ignorances and fears, and played opinion as fact.

Needless to say, it wasn't Michael Moore who got it wrong. Coulter is featured in Hype, and amazingly she's also a best selling author. This woman has actually become quite rich by spitting in the face of common decency, and selling her conscience to the highest bidder. It's hatred-for-hire, and I'm amazed so many fools buy into it.

I'm also amazed that Western allowed her to speak. At least Ottawa had the right idea and told her that if she wanted to challenge the hate speech laws of Canada, she'd best not do it in the nation's capital.

One thing that does bring a smile to my face (and probably causes Coulter to lose alot of sleep) is the recent developments in US health care. Although the rest of the civilized world has enjoyed a good laugh at the mighty Americans as they bicker over a completely watered-down form of socially responsible health care, I think it's a huge step forward for them. I honestly never thought I'd see the day that the common American citizen would be giving a single penny to another person in a time of need, but here we are.


Not that there weren't a large number of morons who protested the current changes. These are the same morons who, if confronted with a monumental personal problem when it comes to the health of their families or themselves, would be entirely f.u.c.k.e.d. without a socialized system.

Then again, foresight is rarely a virtue of the fool. (See: Housing Crash)

Papa always said...

Pwning the Odium

So it turns out that I watched a shitload of the Olympics. Here are my personal high- and low-lights of the games, presented in no particular order:

• Jon Montgomery: awesome celebration, better podium entrance, and an unforgettable beer march through Whistler. It's a crying shame he wasn't our first gold medalist.
• Melissa Hollingsworth: living proof that no matter how much you believe, you can still come out a failure.
• Lindsey Vonn: way to finish your races, you betch.
• The Chinese womens curling team and their hilarious screeching.
  
• The German two man bobsleigh team. One guy celebrates a dangerous Canadian crash, while the other makes the universal body-language sign for "wtf man?!?"
• Norwegian curlers and their pants. Champions don't wear that kinda shit.
• David Pelletier's commentary in the figure skating events. Especially the ripping of that skeleton costume in the men's singles. This ain't fucking Halloween man!
• That cross country skier falling into the ditch. I think shes suing the IOC...
• Cheryl Bernard: showing us all how to butcher an almost-guaranteed gold medal in the final end of a curling match. Nice tits though.
• Kristin Stormer Steira: came in 4th place again in Olympic cross country skiing. Her fourth time finishing in this not-so-coveted spot, and this time it was by 0.1 seconds. Ha!
  
• Nodar Kumaritashvili: at least he went out doing the thing he loves... _____ing into a ____ at ____ kph. (Too soon??)
• That US downhill skier who screamed like a banshee to hype herself up before the race.
• "Siren Head", who somehow managed to get tickets to every single men's hockey game, not to mention some women's games too. How does a bum like that even afford that many tickets?
  
• The Norwegian authorities' ridiculous claim that the natives of BC had put a curse on their team, and that's why they weren't winning more medals. You really can't even come up with that kind of shit.
• The Canadian men's ski-cross dude who was a recovered drug addict. Nothing like butchering your medal shot to send you back into the sweet and loving arms of addiction.
• The howler monkey: Meng Wang
• Sven Kramer and his stupid coach. Fucking sissy + fucking retard = me smiling. (Also he looks alot like Crosby eh?)
  
• Gretzky's horrific awkwardness.
• The Olympic flame debacle. Granted, they made up for it in the closing ceremonies.
• Pierre McGuire's incredible comment that "in alot of places children are crying right now" regarding the cheer for Luongo that sounds like booing from the crowd. Astonishingly idiotic.
• 14 gold medals baby!!
• Crosby coming out of the hole he was hiding in to jumpstart the party of the year in Canada.
  

THIS IS CANADA!

In Soviet Tajikistan, flag waves you!

So the much-hyped Olympics have finally arrived.
Thank god for small blessings. These damn comercials that we've been inundated with for the past year are finally going to shut the fuck up and get off the tube.


I thought the opening ceremonies were kinda weak, aside from the wicked light show that took place on the main stage, transforming it into a variety of scenes and landscapes.
It was heavy on the French, heavy on the Native, and heavy on the Don Sutherland (not that I'm complaining about the last one.)

Those 4 dildos that rose from the stage we pretty hilarious, and I was amazed to see Shane Koyczan doing his poet thang on the pedestal. Haven't seen him since Hillside a few years back, cuz the rain was too heavy to tolerate during his set last year. Pretty damn big stage for a relatively unknown dude. Plus he's lost some weight. Good on him.

I woulda liked to see Shatner carrying that Olympic flag into the arena too. That woulda been epic. Greztky was a good (and obvious) choice for the final torch bearer, and it's a shame they fucked up the most important moment with those faulty hydraulics. And that drive through the nutbar crowds was a little strange as well...

Overall I don't have much interest in the games, though I'm sure I'll watch my fair share. Like most Canadian men in the age group of "3 to 97", the only thing I'm really interested in is the men's hockey. Gold or bust, but there's some damn tough competition, namely those wickedly fast and shifty Russians. Should be an interesting tournament.

Oh, and I have no doubt that we'll get that elusive gold on home soil. We'll probably rake in a few actually.

Linked Out

Hmmm...

Many things happening these days, and as usual I don't have the energy to comment on them all.

I wonder what would happen if one of these things was used to kill a Christian? I guess racism has no foresight when God is on your side.

Speaking of God, I particularly like the comment section of this article.

Teddy Kennedy gives up his seat to this guy? Considering his dying wish was to see health care reform put through, I guarantee you he's rolling in his grave as we speak.

Haiti is in complete disarray (see photo 5 in particular), as would be expected in one of those places that sophisticated folk need not think about on a regular basis. Though it is interesting to see how quick the US response has been. I bet the people of New Orleans et al are angrily scratching their heads.

And if anyone cares enough to think about the reasons for, and financial toll of, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, this is definitely worth a read.

Oh, and suspend this donkey for life.

Brilliant, yet lazy

For a while now I've been plotting out a novel in my mind. Honestly I think it's a pretty fucking solid one, but then again I am the eye and thus far I'm the only beholder.

But before I get my lazy ass in gear and start to write the thing, I've got a few obstacles to overcome:

1. I've never been big on reading. Not that I don't pick something up the odd time, but I really haven't read many things in my day. I was listening to the radio the other day, and some jazz musician was being interviewed about her work. She said that she never listens to any artists, only instrumentals. Apparently she never wants her music to be compared to anyone in particular, so that her work will always be hers alone. I have a friend who writes her own music and she always seemed to be the same; she never listened to much of anything. I tend to agree with that vein of thinking when it comes to writing... the only problem being that in order to improve your skills, you need to learn the rules and find out what actually works in the real world.
2. The book will have to be written from the perspective of a woman. Anyone who knows me can say with absolute certainty that I have no damn idea how a woman thinks, so that's an issue.
   
3. I hate the idea of coming up with names for characters. Whatever I settle on will probably always blow dead bears in my mind.
4. I need a laptop so I can escape the creative vacuum that is my room. More importantly, I need this laptop to be completely disconnected from the internet. Noise is noise is noise.
5. Some parts of the book will need some research. Fiction doesn't mean nonsense after all. Mind you, the lack of internet connection could pose a problem on the ol' lapper.
6. Finally, I have never written a book, and the last time I wrote anything that wasn't a structured essay was probably back in high school. And that was what... seven years ago?

Aside from all this shit, I have ample time on my hands at the moment and I really oughta get started on it. Odds are, this is just a pipedream that'll never see the light of a bookstore (even if I do get it written) but you never know.

You get busy livin', or you get busy writin'

Eye of the Tiger

After months of dicking around, I finally hit the eye doctor last week.
I'm convinced that the plug I used to see up in Barrie was an amateur, since the contacts he ordered for me were allegedly useful in both eyes, meanwhile each eye definitely has a different prescription. Figure that one out.

The dude I saw last week was pretty good, though his office was tiny and his receptionist was a joke. I had to laugh that he had a poster on the wall of Tiger Woods plugging for Lasik eye surgery. Too bad it wasn't a poster of him plugging some cocktail waitress. HEY-O!
What's his tally at now? 8 or 9?? Those endorsement deals are gonna dry up faster than a puddle in the Sahara. Sheeeeeeeit.


Fortunately I didn't get the blast of air in my eyes like I always used to, but this time I did get a test done that I'd never had before.
I've never had any drops put in my eyes, but he did one set to test for internal pressure and one to dilate my pupils so he could see inside. I looked like I was stoned out of my mind on shrooms all day. Not to mention the fact that I had to drive home in the bright sun right after the exam. I was squinting like a Chinese welder, let me tell ya.

And with the brightness problem comes the inability to focus on things that are close to you. So I sat round in the dark all day watching shitty tv.

Anyway, I'm gonna test some new contacts out this week, and my 2 new pairs of glasses are due in sometime this week as well. So I'm all set. too bad I'm also all poor now.
Pissin me off...